Dietary Rumspringa...

Yeah. So I wanted my next post to be about movement and strength and exercise and... and...

Well, instead I have to need to stop and confess chat with you about something.

I was so confident, after such a bee-you-tee-ful Whole30, that I had kicked all of my food issues to the curb.  I mean I completed the program, with not one desire to cheat, nary a craving in sight.  I knew all the right words and ways to think about food and the vice that it can have on a person.  I had purposed in my heart that I would never again eat this or drink that and well, for some part, I've stayed true to that.

However, for one thing, I did not do the reintroduction that is designed to help you figure out to which foods you may be intolerant.  I decided I would just jump in and have some Pho and you know about that experience, but since then I've had other things like RICE (of course) and maybe some dairy and foods at a buffet that were "outwardly compliant", but only the good lord knows what they were marinated in or what they actually contained.  And there may have been a very yummy cookie that my mother-in-law brought us from Costco.  I refrained. At first.  But I only had one.  And then there was the taco guy at the retirement party. I could have totally skipped the tortillas and beans.  I could have said no to the ice cream cake... but I didn't.

Okay, I may not even be making sense and my grammar is probably out of control right now, but I am spilling my guts here.  Have mercy.  I know that most people would not think that I have any reason to feel guilty, 'cause hey - I'm not curently on Whole30.  But somehow, these bad CHOICES have made me feel like an Amish teenager on Rumspringa.

I knew that I would feel crappy after consuming some of these items and for over-indulging even on foods that may have been okay, and I ate it anyway.  I guess I'm writing this post to OWN my choices.  To kind of just say it out loud.  "I messed up.  I let the food control me."

So am I going to just throw in the towel? No. Am I going to wait until the 1st of the month to start over? No.  I am starting today. I know I have some special events coming up and sure, it would be easy to wait until those celebrations have passed, but I can't.  I don't want to.  I know that I need to take the control back.  Like Rumspringa - I have to make a decision.  Do I want to beat these bad life habits? Do I want to cut the negative emotional ties I have with food? YES!! I want to remind myself that the food I put in my body will either make me more healthy or less healthy.  It's that simple.  The work I do in my head and heart regarding how I feel about it all - that's something I will continue to work on.

So - I am going to post a photo from my first round of Whole 30.  I did not include this before and have not posted it publicly, except to a closed group of Whole30 peeps.  But I want to go ahead and post it because it reminds me of how hard I worked for my first round.  I posted about all of my "non-scale" victories, but now I am posting this.  It may not seem like a huge change, but it's a change and I want to keep going. I don't want to stall this and I don't want to go backwards.

It is my hope that I can be transparent to help motivate YOU and to also remind ME that I am capable of doing this!

Emotional/Stress eating...

I remember reading a quiz type thing in a magazine once where you could answer the questions and determine whether you had a food addiction or not...
One of the questions were, "Are you an emotional eater?"
Well, goodness. I don't know, I thought.  I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, nervous, when I'm upset, ...
You get the idea.  Any and every emotion warrants a good reason to eat as far as I was concerned.
So I answered, YES.

Well, although I have been physically feeling better, it just hit me after I had a tearful meltdown today, that I've been in a slump these last few days.  I may be slightly depressed.
Okay. The doctor flat out told me that I was depressed. Pfft. What does he know?
You see, I never thought I had a problem with depression because I've seen depressed people.
They are a sad case.  I'm not like that. I've got it together. Silver lining and all that good stuff.
Alright. Maybe my depression looks a little different from others and that's a whole other issue
that I'm dealing with - but here's the thing - today, I am feeling down.
Now, please - you do not need to text or call or whatever,
because frankly, I will probably deny this whole post and say I'm all better and Isssssokaayy...
but, I started to eyeball that cake I mentioned in the previous post.
You know, the moist red velvet bunt cake that's on my counter?  Oh, yes - THIS ONE! Yikes!

I promptly made some bacon and eggs and had some coffee with some sugar-free pumpkin spice creamer.
Obviously, the creamer is a huge NO as far as being primal or paleo, I know that.
Stop looking at me. It's my one thing - okay and an occasional diet soda. I know, it's poison. Anyway...
And then my thoughts started wandering to that package of ramen noodles that's in the pantry...
RAMEN NOODLES people!!
Then it hit me.  I am in a slump and I am starting to want stuff that, FIRST OF ALL is just crap and second of all I don't even normally like.
I had to get a hold of myself.  I started thinking about how I felt and how normally, I would have gone ahead and had the cake and then made the ramen and who knows where I would have gone from there?
That grossed me out.  I didn't want that junk.
So I am going to do the stair running I had planned, then jump in the shower and put on makeup and finish writing out the final details for Naomi's little get-together with her friends.  Then I am going to be in my art room making some orders that came in. Stay busy. Stay active. Do something pleasant.

I am an emotional eater. Once the junk is gone, it will not return to this house - so temptation shouldn't be a problem.  Glad though, that I STOPPED and thought about what I was about to do.  I actually pictured myself eating all of that and then imagined how I would feel afterward. Nope. Not worth it.

Crisis averted THIS TIME.  Are you an emotional eater? Do you give in to it? How do you fight it? Let me know!